Families
by HR always live on
Summary: An AU Harry and Ruth story, with both of them a bit younger. Can they work their way together in a completely different set of circumstances? Now complete.
1. Chapter 1

**A very AU fic, with Ruth about 25 and Harry 37 ish.**

* * *

Ruth walked into Thames House feeling nervous. It was her first day at MI5 and she was impossibly nervous. Mousy girls like her didn't end up at MI5. She'd been fast tracked through GCHQ over the last two and a half years, and now she was where she wanted to be. But the building was imposing. She followed the directions the security guard gave her after checking her ID against the computer for the new junior analyst. Taking the lift up to the third floor she tapped her foot with impatience. This lift was so bloody slow. It dinged on the second floor and a woman around the same age as Ruth got on. She was pretty with short hair and rather tall.

"Do you know how to get to section D?" she asked. "I know it's on the third floor, but otherwise I'm stuck."

"Are you by any chance my new analyst?"

"Yes," she said. "Ruth Evershed?"

"Oh brilliant," she said. "The works beginning to pile up and I really need some help. I'm Zoë. I've been sitting behind a desk trying to catch up with the analysis so I'm glad you're here." The lift pinged and Zoë led the way to the grid. Ruth looked around and the mass of activity and felt overwhelmed. Zoë walked to her desk, Ruth following behind her. "Your desk is just here," she said, pointing to the one immediately on the right. "I thought we could spend this morning going over the system and then leave you to your own devices this afternoon. I hear that you've been a whiz on the GCHQ system."

"I can hold my own," she said modestly.

"Great, lets get started."

* * *

Ruth had just started to process the terrorist information on her own when the pods whirred. She looked up and saw Harry Pearce walking in, talking to a blonde man in a suit. Harry had been at her interview, which is why she recognised him. He hadn't said one word and Ruth could tell that if he'd been left to his own devices he wouldn't be in the interview room in the first place. He'd maybe looked at her twice with glazed over eyes, as if she was any other applicant in the world.

Now however, he had actually caught her eye as he walked to his office and a hint of a smile played over his full lips. She watched him until the door of his office closed and she shook her head slightly. She needed to concentrate on work if she wasn't going to mess up on day one.

* * *

Ruth finished for the day and gathered the papers into a file, ready to be sorted for tomorrow. People were leaving through the pods and saying goodbye to her. She felt shattered from the long day, but apparently things had been slow today. She dreaded to think how she'd cope when a terror attack was in full swing. But maybe she'd get used to it.

"Settling in well?" Ruth jumped and looked up as Harry Pearce was looming over her desk.

"Yes," she said. "I feel like I'm drowning in paperwork, but I'll get there."

"Yeah, well we've let it mount up over the past month or so," Harry admitted. "It won't always be this bad."

"That's good to know," she said with relief, switching the computer off.

"I remember you from your interview, he said quietly.

"Liar," she said without heat. "You don't remember me. You were staring at the table wishing you were anywhere else."

"True," he admitted, surprised at how well she'd read him in that brief interview. "I hate interviews no matter which side of the desk I'm on."

"I don't think anyone likes interviews," she said.

"Yeah, well," he said shrugging. "Would you like to go and have a drink with me? Celebrate your first day?"

"Thank you but no," she said, a smile on her face. At the same time she wondered if he was interested in more than a celebratory drink. If he wanted her company for another reason, but she pushed the thought aside. Jumping the gun a bit, she thought. "I have things to do at home," she said. "Unpacking and the like," she lied.

"Okay," Harry said. "I'll see you tomorrow then." Ruth nodded and looked at him for a long moment as he didn't seem to want to move away from her desk. He really had the most beautiful hazel eyes she thought. Then she looked away. She felt uncomfortable with the intensity there. Harry seemed to realise this and he nodded. "Goodbye Ruth."

"Bye," she said, watching as he left the grid, going through the pods. When he had vanished from sight Ruth looked around and realised she was alone. So she put her coat on and went home.

* * *

Unlocking the door she heard the TV playing in the background. Ruth walked into the living room and smiled. Her babysitter and her daughter, Lucy were curled up on the sofa together.

"Mummy!"

"Hi sweetheart," Ruth said, picking her up and cuddling her. "God you're getting heavy!" She giggled delightfully. "Has Kate been well behaved?" Ruth asked about the babysitter, teasing.

"Yes," she said, smiling at the familiar words. "Can you read me a story?"

"Oh I think I can do that," Ruth agreed. "Which one would you like tonight?"

"Princess and the pea!" she said.

"Come on then," Ruth said. "Go upstairs and get into your PJ's. I'll be there in a minute." Lucy nodded and went upstairs.

"How was work?" Kate asked.

"Good," she said. Ruth hadn't told her what she really did, as she felt it wouldn't be wise. She was, after all, working for a _secret service_. "Exhausting. How's she been?"

"Fine," she replied. "Took her to school this morning and ever since she got home she hasn't stopped chattering about it."

"Good," Ruth said. "I want her to settle in well. I know a new school isn't easy…"

"You had to take the job," Kate said firmly, heading off the guilt that Ruth usually felt. They'd had this conversation before and Kate wasn't just a babysitter, she was a friend of Ruth's. "You know that. Lucy is a very happy girl."

"Mummy, come on!" came a loud call from up the stairs.

"I'll see you tomorrow," Ruth said, slipping her coat off. Kate nodded and left the house as Ruth went upstairs to read to her daughter.

* * *

**Please leave a review if you have time :)**


	2. Chapter 2

Ruth arrived at work the next day, stood in front of her desk and sighed. The very neat and orderly workspace she'd left yesterday had been piled with forms and papers and looked a mess.

"Sorry Ruth," Malcolm said as he passed her desk. "I tried to stop the juniors dumping it on you. Do you want a hand sorting it out?"

"No," she said, smiling at him. "It's not your problem and I'm sure you have things to do."

"Sadly true," he said, switching his computer on. Ruth had barely sat down when Harry came onto the grid. He looked at her desk with a raised eyebrow.

"I didn't leave it like this," she said.

"No, I know," he said, a smile twitching at the corner of his lips. "Don't let them offload all their paperwork to you."

"Mm," Ruth said unconvinced. She sat down and began to sort out the papers. It would be a long day.

* * *

Ruth settled in to work very well. The people were friendly, the work challenging but doable and she felt like she was really making a difference. When the first serious terror alert came through and she'd had to stay all night the adrenaline had coursed through her. Kate hadn't minded staying overnight with Lucy when Ruth claimed a failed delivery and missing paperwork. Thankfully Kate had no interest in professional careers, or office work so she didn't ask awkward questions. Ruth had felt emotionally drained when the operation was over, now knowing what it felt like to be at the heart of MI5.

She had been there or about a month when Harry called her into his office one night before she was going home. "Yes Harry?"

"I wondered I you'd like to go out for a drink with me tonight?" he asked, blunt and to the point.

"Oh," Ruth said, surprised by the question. **_Yes_**, she thought before the rational part of her brain kicked in. She would like to spend some time with Harry away from work. Very much so. He had something that she felt very attracted to. But it was dangerous. Apart from anything else, he was her boss. "I would like to," she said. "But I can't tonight," she said. "I'm sorry I just can't."

"Just a quick drink," he pressed, leaning against the desk and smiling at her.

"I can't," she repeated. He stood, waiting for her to explain. "Do you read the personnel files?" she asked.

"Er… no," he said, thrown by the change of subject. "I read peoples past jobs, past experience and qualifications. But anything that's in the personal section I ignore. It's none of my business to know everyone's pasts, despite the fact I'm their boss. Why?"

She sighed, but then decided to be honest with him. After all it would be easy for him to check if he got curious. "I can't have a drink with you because I need to get home. I like to spend as much time as I can with my daughter."

"You have a daughter," he said in surprise. His eyes flicked downwards to her hand, where a wedding ring might rest.

"I'm not married," she said anticipating the question.

"How old is she?"

"She's six," Ruth said. She could see Harry doing the Maths in his head. "I had her when I was... young," she added.

"I wasn't going to ask," he said honestly. "I'll let you go home. What's her name?"

"Lucy," Ruth said, smiling at the thought of her beautiful daughter. "I would like to take you up on it another time," she said eagerly. "If the offer stays open that is?"

"It's open," he said with a smile. "Go home." She was at the door when Harry asked a question. "Why do you never mention her? You've been here a month and kept her a secret. Why?"

"I didn't like the way I was treated at GCHQ when they found out I was a mother," she said. "They seemed to think I was less competent because I wanted to go home at a decent hour and put my daughter to bed and read her a story. I felt… it would be easier if I didn't advertise it. I'm good at my job, Lucy doesn't change that."

"Of course not," he agreed. "You're more than competent."

"Thank you Harry," she said, her voice warm as she looked into his eyes. God, she really could get lost in those eyes.

"See you on Monday," Harry said, bringing her out of her reverie. She left his office, her face flushed as Harry watched her leave. Unless he was very much mistaken, she was attracted to him. That was an extremely pleasant thought, because over the past few weeks he realised how attractive she was. In a very understated way. More often than he'd admit, even to himself he found his eyes resting on her. Her blue eyes shining with intelligence, the light shining off of her dark hair. Harry had spent the past week or so trying to ignore the increasing attraction, knowing that asking her out was a bad idea. She was a member of junior staff, and she was twelve years younger than himself. In spite of the attraction, it could get complicated quickly. And now he found out she had a daughter. Yes, _complicated_ would sum it up.

Harry checked the grid and saw that he was alone. Feeling slightly guilty, he went through the filing cabinet in his office, looking for Ruth's personnel file. He shouldn't be doing it, but after all, he was only rereading information he'd already read in the interview stage, before she got the job. He'd never look at the personal history side because it was none of his business. He didn't like having his staffs most personal details at his fingertips. A dangerous thing, being able to see everyone's dirty little secrets. He'd only looked through the private section of someone's file once, and that was when the agent had been kidnapped for nearly a week. It had been necessary.

Harry opened Ruth's file and scanned her education. There were no gaps in it at all. She'd gone straight from school to university, then to GCHQ before she arrived at MI5. The fact that she'd managed to have a baby with no disruption in her education showed how focused and single minded she could be. Or bloody determined. The only clue was the fact she'd been accepted to Oxford University, but instead she'd chosen to attend Exeter, probably so she could stay at home with a newborn. But he was speculating. He might be inventing it on the spot for all he knew. He closed the file with a snap and put it back, locking the filing cabinet. He liked Ruth, very much. Well, this evening had certainly given him a lot to think about.

* * *

Ruth filled up the bath and sunk into the hot water with a sigh. Lucy was asleep and these couple of hours alone were precious to her. She loved her daughter more than her own life but every now and then it was nice to be alone. As the hot water lapped around her she felt her muscles relaxing. It had been a long week. She closed her eyes and allowed her mind to drift. Minutes passed and eventually her mind settled on one thing. _Harry_. He'd asked her out for a drink, which meant he was attracted to her. He wanted to spend time with her away from the grid. The thought warmed her inside. She wasn't the type of woman to attract men like Harry. Experienced men with a physicality that was almost shocking. He had a presence which made him the centre of the grid. It had little to do with the fact he was section head, more to do with him as a man. His character and personality. She wanted to know more about him so badly it surprised her.

But there was likely nothing to be done about it, she thought. Harry Pearce was a serial womaniser whose reputation preceded him. Whatever else, Ruth did not want to be added to that unflattering list.

* * *

**Thank you for the reviews so far, and I hope you like this chapter. :) More on Tuesday hopefully.**


	3. Chapter 3

"Mummy don't go!"

Ruth sighed with exasperation. She had to go to work, and she was already running late. She knew that Lucy was just playing up. Almost every Monday morning it was the same. She wailed and cried at Ruth leaving her, and by the time Lucy got to school, she forgot that her mother even existed. But it didn't make it any easier for Ruth to hear her daughter crying.

"Come here," she said, picking Lucy up. She was getting heavy, Ruth thought. "Now, when you get to school, you'll be playing with Anna, Beth, Miranda and Charlie won't you?"

"Yeah," she said sniffing her tears away. "Anna's going to bring in some pictures of her new cat. Smudge."

"That's something to look forward to isn't it?"

"Yeah," she said.

"And I know that Kate can braid your hair before going to school. But you have to stop crying. Okay?"

"Yes," she said. "Mummy, you can't do my hair."

Kate laughed slightly and Ruth smiled indulgently. It was true, she had no talent for braiding hair. Whereas Kate could plait an eight strand braid without even thinking about it. Lucy wriggled and Ruth put her down on the kitchen chair. Lucy shook her hair out and sat their waiting. Kate picked up the brush and started to go through her long blonde tresses.

"Sorry," Kate mouthed.

Ruth shook her head. "Right beautiful, I'm going and I'll see you tonight."

"Bye mummy," Lucy said easily, her tears all forgotten Ruth kissed her and then hurried out of the door, leaving a part of her heart behind her.

* * *

"There's the Grey files, and I'm sorry they're late," Ruth said putting the collection on Harry's desk.

"Hold on a minute," he said as she walked to the door. "Are you okay?"

"Yes," she said with a sigh. "Lucy was throwing a tantrum this morning, that's all. I don't… like to see her upset."

"I'm sure she'll be fine," Harry said.

"Oh, I know she will," Ruth said surely. "I just… hate Monday mornings." She sighed. "I'll make up the time."

"I know," he said. His lips twitched slightly. "Let me know when you can get a babysitter. I'd like to take you out properly."

"Really?" she said, hiding her surprise.

"Yes."

"Er… I'll try and get Kate for Saturday night then," she said. "Would that be okay?"

"Perfect," he said. "I'll book us in for a restaurant. Do you like Italian?"

"Yes," she said. She smiled, her blue eyes alight and Harry felt his heart skip a beat at the look of eagerness on her face. It wasn't until Ruth sat back down at her desk that she realised that casual drinks had turned into a fully fledged date for Saturday night. Harry had managed to organise that and she'd barely noticed. She had a date for Saturday night, with a man who she was very interested in. A man who (seemed to) only have eyes for her. He said her name in a way no one else did. She'd always felt that Ruth was a boring name and old fashioned name, but when Harry spoke it, it felt different. Her name felt full and almost sensual when he spoke it, and it made her shiver. Ruth shook her head. No. Plenty of time to think about that when she was on her own at home. Not now when she was attempting to trace Iranian suspected terrorists. That required all of her concentration.

* * *

"Yeah of course," Kate said on the phone. "It's no problem to look after her on Saturday night. What're you up to?"

"I have a date," she said after a moments pause.

"Really?" she asked in surprise.

"There's no need to sound like that," Ruth said easily.

"Sorry," Kate said. "Just… it's about time. You deserve someone."

"Thank you, for that slightly… odd compliment." Ruth shook her head slightly. "See you later tonight."

"Bye." Ruth put the phone down and felt eyes on her. Looking across the grid her eyes stopped on Harry's office. His blinds were pulled apart by about an inch. She could see the gap and she smiled, knowing he was watching her. The blinds snapped back into uniformity and Ruth felt her face flush. Men didn't usually watch her like that. She usually didn't like the attention when it rarely happened. But she surprised herself to find that she _did_ enjoy it when Harry watched her. She got back to her work with a smile on her face.

* * *

The week flew past. Before she knew it, it was Saturday evening and she had to decide what to wear.

"Where's he taking you?" Kate asked as Ruth went through her sparse wardrobe.

"An Italian restaurant," she said. "I don't want to look like I'm trying too hard, but I want to look nice."

"Wear jeans," Kate suggested, keeping an eye on Lucy who was colouring on the bedroom floor. She loved colouring, especially now she was old enough to stay within the lines (mostly).

"I can't wear jeans!" Ruth said. "Far too casual."

"Yes, but you insist on wearing those long and frumpy skirts to work," Kate said. "It might surprise him to realise you actually have legs."

"Kate!" Ruth said shaking her head. "You really think jeans?"

"Try them on with some of your nice tops," she suggested. Ruth nodded.

"What's mummy doing?" Lucy asked as Ruth retreated to the bathroom.

"Dressing up because she's going out tonight," Kate said. "She wants to look beautiful."

"Mummy always looks nice," Lucy said simply, picking up the blue crayon. Kate smiled at her.

"What do you think?" Ruth said, coming out of the bathroom in jeans and a green top.

"Perfect," Kate said. "Just add a little jewellery and you'll be good to go."

"Are you sure?" Ruth asked, pulling at the fabric slightly.

"You're nervous," Kate realised.

"Yes," she said. "I want this to go well."

"It will," Kate assured her.

"You look pretty mummy," Lucy said, her head tilted on one side.

"Thank you sweetheart." Ruth smiled and put some makeup on, feeling unaccountably nervous. Then the doorbell rang.

"Why are you nervous?" Kate asked as Ruth went downstairs. "You see him everyday."

"But this is different," Ruth said. "He doesn't take me out to dinner everyday. Can you…"

"Make myself scarce," Kate said with a smile. "Lucy'll be fine, so don't call every half an hour.

"I won't," she said. "Even though I like putting her to bed." The doorbell rang again. "I'm coming!" she called.

"I've got the hint," Kate said. "Have fun." Ruth smiled as Kate vanished up the stairs. She opened the door and smiled as Harry stood there, a blue open collared shirt making him look different from his usual working self, and very attractive. She blinked, trying not to stare at the hollow of his throat. Then she noticed that his eyes were on her legs. _Thank you Kate_ she said in her head.

"Sorry," he said after a minute, his eyes glittering as they returned to her face. "I was… distracted." They way he said this, low and seductive made her blush without meaning to. "Are you ready to go?"

* * *

**A bit of an in between-ish chapter, but I hope you enjoyed it. Thank you for the reviews so far.**


	4. Chapter 4

Ruth looked around the restaurant, feeling like she was being treated. It seemed very exclusive. They'd just ordered and Ruth picked up her glass of chilled white wine. She wondered how many women Harry had done this with before. Taken to a nice expensive restaurant, indulged in pleasant conversation and light flirting before he took the woman in question home and made passionate and frenzied love to her. The image of Harry in bed with a strange woman shocked her, both with its clarity and with the amount of jealousy it caused in her.

"Are you okay?" Harry asked, seeing the flicker of discomfort across her face.

"Yes," she said.

"Are you missing Lucy?"

"No, not really," she said. "I know she'll be fine."

"Can I just say I admire you," he said softly. Ruth frowned at him. "Raising her while attending University."

"Mm," Ruth said absently. "My mother was a fantastic help. I'd never have been able to do it without her. I'd never have got my degree otherwise. My mum, she wanted me to succeed."

"I'm glad," Harry said. "Otherwise you'd never be working for MI5 would you?"

"And we wouldn't have met," she agreed with a smile. "Harry, I must say though... that your reputation precedes you. As soon as my boss at GCHQ heard I was putting in for a transfer to Thames House, I got warned off of you."

"Warned off of me?" Harry asked amused.

"Oh yes," Ruth said. "I was told…" she paused, wondering if she should say what her previous boss told her.

"Go on," he said eagerly. "I'd like to know what they say about me when I'm not listening. I have a fair idea anyway."

She nodded, and then closed her eyes, trying to remember the exact wording. "Harry Pearce has an eye for pretty young girls and he's a career hazard for every female that passes through section D," she quoted. "I'd do best to avoid all contact with him outside of professional circumstances. He has loose morals, no integrity and is a serial womaniser, not even pausing for one at a time. His only saving grace is that he is a decent section head."

"Glad to know some of my acquaintances think so highly of me," he said sarcastically. Ruth had been expecting him to deny his reputation, so she was surprised. "There's no point in me denying it," he added as if reading her mind. "It would take you mere minutes to look into my file if you wanted to."

"I thought that was protected above my clearance," Ruth said, her lips twitching.

"It is," he said. "But I know that if you wanted to read it, you'd read it. A thing like security clearance isn't likely to stop you."

Ruth let herself smile at that. "You're missing the point," she said, her voice low. He inclined his head for her to continue. "Even knowing all that, I still chose to be here tonight." She caught his eyes with her own and felt the intensity right down to her soul. "With you."

"You are here," he agreed. "Why? Knowing all that about me, why would you still be here?"

"I don't listen to hearsay," she said quietly. "I don't like gossip, and I like to find things out for myself."

"That is very good to hear," he said, his voice low. Ruth suddenly realised that they had both been leaning in towards one another, across the table. The distance between them was becoming less and less as the seconds slowly ticked by. He shifted his hand and covered her fingers gently. The heat from his palm was shocking and Ruth felt almost as if she'd been electrified. She turned her hand over so his touch could glide over more of her flesh.

Suddenly their meals arrived and they sprang apart like guilty teenagers. Catching each others eyes they smiled before starting on their delicious meals.

* * *

Harry told his driver to drop them off about five minutes away from Ruth's house. He wanted to say goodbye to her in private, and he had a feeling Ruth wouldn't appreciate an observer. Walking to her house, the distant noises of the London night broke the silence.

"Thank you for dinner," Ruth said. Harry reached for her and grabbed her hand gently as they walked. "It was delicious."

"I like that little Italian," he said. "Very good food."

"Mm," Ruth said. "So how many dates have you taken there?"

"I rather think you have a preconceived idea about me," Harry said. "In spite of popular opinion, I am not a cheat, a rat or a philanderer. Ruth, I like you." He spoke so simply that Ruth felt her face flush. For him, it was that simple she saw.

"I like you too," she said. "Doesn't it bother you that I have a daughter?"

"No," he said. He frowned at her. "Why would it?"

"Men don't tend to appreciate a woman with a history," she said quietly. "Especially a history which demands so much of my time and attention."

"Then ignore them," he said simply. "Your daughter is a massive part of you. She's a part of who you are. Anyone who wants to spend time with you should realise that."

"You're… different," she said slowly.

"Is that a good thing?"

"Yes Harry," she said. "That is a very good thing." They'd reached her front door and he turned to her. She smiled easily.

"I had a really great time," he said. "Can we do this again?"

"Yes," she said. "I'd really like that." Harry leaned close to her and kissed her cheek lightly. He drew back and she shook her head. "No wait." She leaned in and pressed her lips to his softly and gently. He responded quickly, kissing her expertly as his hands rested on her waist. When the kiss ended her breathing was heavy. "Goodnight Harry."

"Night." She opened the door and walked through it. When it closed she leaned against it and closed her eyes, waiting for her heart rate to calm down.

"Good night?" Kate called from the living room.

"Very," Ruth said. She saw Kate on the sofa, a glass of wine in her hand. Out of habit Ruth looked at the level of the wine bottle on the table. She wasn't surprised to see that only a glass or so had been drunk. Kate wasn't irresponsible or stupid. "How's Lucy been?"

"Perfect," Kate said. "Went to bed on time and haven't heard a peep from her since. But that's not the point, how was your date?" Ruth walked out of the room and Kate wondered if she'd overstepped. But then Ruth reappeared with an empty glass and poured herself a generous measure from the wine bottle.

"Where shall I start?"

* * *

Harry lay in bed that night thinking of Ruth. She was very unlike women he'd gone for in the past, but he didn't think that was a bad thing. She seemed calm and composed. Obviously intelligent and with an understated beauty that had grown on him the more he watched her across the grid as the days went passed. But he'd have to move slowly with her. He knew Ruth well enough to know that she didn't do anything without thinking it through. Added to that, the complication of her daughter meant she couldn't be impulsive with him. She couldn't simply invite him around to her house with no thought to the consequences. She couldn't go out with him on the spur of the moment: without thinking about it. She would need to get a babysitter first. He didn't mind, but it did mean that their evenings out would have to be planned in advance. It didn't bother him, taking his time. Because he knew in his gut that she would be worth the wait.

* * *

_**Thank you for the reviews and enthusiasm. A bit stuck now, will see how it goes!**_


	5. Chapter 5

**Just as a warning (or treat) the italic part of this chapter is M rated.**

* * *

On Monday morning Ruth kept feeling her face flaming. Harry kept watching her through the glass window of his office, and his knowing gaze on her. By about eleven she'd had enough. She walked straight into his office without knocking. He was on the phone. "I'll call you back in ten minutes," Harry said, putting the phone down.

"You didn't have to do that," she said, even though she was pleased he had.

"You could knock," he suggested. "What do you want?"

"You have to stop looking at me like that," Ruth said. "I'm filtering through information relating to rogue Mossad agents who want to bomb the country. It's hard to concentrate when you're watching me."

"I like watching you," he said. "Do you want to go out with me on Sunday?"

"No I can't," she said quickly. So quickly that Harry was hurt. "Kate goes to see her parents every Sunday," she explained. "I have no one to look after Lucy, and I won't leave her with someone I don't trust or have only just met."

"I'll take you both out to lunch," he said easily. "I'd like to meet Lucy."

"Are you sure?" Ruth asked in surprise.

"If you want to," he said. "I'd offer Saturday but I have to meet the American ambassador before he flies to Switzerland. It'll probably be a long meeting."

"Okay," Ruth said. "Yeah. If you want to meet Lucy, of course."

"Great," he said. "I'd offer to cook but that's a recipe for disaster. Sunday roast?"

"Mm," Ruth said. "Delicious." Ruth looked around the room and saw with disappointment that the blinds were open. She had wanted to kiss him, but wouldn't display the beginning of her relationship for everyone to see. Harry's lips twitched as if knowing what she was thinking.

"Or is Sunday too long to wait?" he asked.

Ruth sighed and then smiled. "I'll ask Kate if she'd minds staying an extra hour on Wednesday?" she suggested. "A drink… maybe?" she said nervously.

"That sounds great," he said, knowing that Ruth didn't ask men out often. He could tell. Harry's phone rang suddenly. Ruth excused herself and Harry sighed happily before picking up the phone with a curt "Pearce."

* * *

"She wanted to stay up and wait for you to get in," Kate said on Wednesday evening as Ruth came in. Lucy was curled up on the sofa in her pink pyjamas, a blanket over her. Ruth felt a stab of guilt go through her. She hadn't meant to be as long as she had been. But one drink with Harry had turned into two, and then before she knew it the pub was emptying and time had run away from her. Harry had realised how late it had got at the same instant she had, and had insisted on paying for her taxi home, so she wouldn't waste more time on public transport.

"Thanks for looking after her," Ruth said, taking Kates place on the sofa.

"Good night?"

"Very," she agreed.

"See you tomorrow." Kate put her jacket on and left. The door closing disturbed Lucy from her sleep.

"Mummy?" she said groggily.

"Hi gorgeous," Ruth said. "Shall I take you up to bed?"

"kay." Ruth picked her up, her sleepy limbs wrapping around her mother as she carried her upstairs to bed. She tucked her in and smiled at her daughter. There was something so peaceful, innocent and heart warming when she watched her sleeping child. Eventually Ruth closed the bedroom door and went to find her own rest.

* * *

_Harry had her pinned up against his office wall, his body pressed hard and solid against hers. So warm and sure against her as he kissed her deeply, his tongue delving into her mouth. His hand pushed her blouse out of the way and squeezed her breast hard. She moaned as her legs wrapped around him pulling him close. He bent to her and sucked her nipple with his warm and welcoming mouth and her head hit the wall with a dull thump. There were far too many clothes in the way of this tryst. Harry clearly thought the same because he yanked the zip of her skirt down and plunged his hand into her knickers. "Ah!" she cried out as he stroked her wet flesh deliciously. "Oh there, God yes," she breathed._

_"Look at me," he demanded. She opened her eyes and looked at his hazel ones, full of passion and urgency. He pushed two fingers inside her, finding her most exquisite place and she climaxed powerfully._

She awoke, her body shaking and breathing heavy from the force of that dream and the orgasm that had woken her. Her chest was rising up and down as if she'd been running. Her skin was covered in goose bumps and her nipples were hard. She had never had a dream like that in her life. Not one as vivid and shocking in its accuracy. She could still smell the scent of Harry's arousal, feel his erection against her thigh. Could a dream really be that specific?

She put her hand to her forehead and felt the cold sweat drenching her. Her heart rate was slowing down a bit now, but she couldn't forget that look in his eyes. That passionate and almost predatory look that said "you're mine." It took a long time for Ruth to manage to get back to sleep, but even then, she couldn't forget that level of intense passion in her dream. Maybe one day she'd experience it in reality.


	6. Chapter 6

"We're going out for lunch today," Ruth told Lucy on Sunday morning over toast. "We're meeting a friend of mine."

"Oh," Lucy said. "Who?"

"His names Harry."

"Is he nice?"

"Yes," Ruth said honestly.

"That's okay then," she said brightly, taking a bite of toast. Ruth smiled at her easily. Lucy was so bright and lively that she could get on with anyone, whether she'd met them before or not. She just kept talking and talking until someone else could get a word in edgeways.

"So how was school?" Ruth asked, trying to get her own mind onto something less nerve wracking than introducing Harry to her daughter. She was more nervous than she'd admit to.

* * *

Lunchtime came around very quickly and there was a knock on Ruth's front door. She hurried to open it very quickly and saw Harry there, a plastic carrier in his hand. "Hi," she said, letting him in.

"Hi," he replied. "I was looking for something to get Lucy, but then I thought that bribing a child probably wasn't the best idea, but then I thought I couldn't arrive with nothing for her, so I bought a teddy. And then I thought that a teddy might be too young for her, but it was already bought and I…" Ruth put her fingers over his lips to stop his blathering.

"You're nervous," she realised.

"Yes," he said. "I need Lucy to like me. Because if she doesn't like me… you'll show me the door in fairly quick order."

Ruth smiled at him slightly. "Luckily she's not picky. Come in. She's watching the TV and narrating her own storylines." Ruth went into the living room, Harry hovering by the doorway.

"Lucy, Harry's here." Her eyes popped off of the television and turned to the door, seeing the stranger.

"Hi Lucy," he said, putting a smile on his face. "I'm a friend of your mums."

"She said you work together," Lucy said quietly.

"Yeah," Harry agreed. "I got a little present for you." He took the teddy out of the bag and gave it to her.

"Why?" she asked. "Why're you giving me a present? It's not my birthday, it's not Christmas. Why?"

"Er…" Harry said completely thrown.

"Luce, that's not what you say when you're given a gift is it?" Ruth said.

"Sorry," she said. "Thank you Harry," she said with a sweet smile. Lucy looked at him again before deciding the TV was more interesting than the stranger.

"Well that went well," he said to Ruth. "Do you want a coffee before we go?"

"Perfect," Harry said.

* * *

"Eat your peas," Ruth said, looking at Lucy's nearly empty plate.

"I don't like peas," she said with dignity.

"Just a couple of forkfuls," Ruth said. "Then ice cream."

"Harry hasn't eaten his peas," Lucy said simply looking at his plate.

"Tell you what," he said. "I'll eat them if you do." He loathed peas with a passion, but thought it was only fair. She tilted her head as if considering his trustfulness and then nodded. Harry ate some and then Lucy followed suit, the latter frowning at the vegetables as she swallowed. Ruth watched in amusement as both Harry and Lucy slowly finished off their plates. Lucy let her fork clatter to the plate. "Now ice cream!"

"Yes," Ruth said. "Ice cream."

"Harry do you want ice cream?" Lucy asked.

"No, I think I'm full," he said smiling at the girl. "Go on and chose a flavour." Lucy darted up to the ice cream cabinet, her mouth dropping open as she looked at all the flavours. Ruth had a feeling that Harry had chosen this place because of the very wide variety of ice cream flavours, to try and impress Lucy. It had worked spectacularly. "She's a very bright girl," Harry said as they both watched her. "She's a credit to you."

"I can't imagine my life without her," Ruth said. "It sounds cliché but she really makes each day worth it." She turned to Harry who was smiling at the look on her face. "Thank you for today."

"You're welcome," he said. "It was fun. Really," he added to her look of incredulity. "Tell me if I'm outstaying my welcome, but I thought we could spend the afternoon playing games with her or something," he said.

"I'm sure you have more important things to do than spend time with my daughter," Ruth said quickly. "I appreciate it, I really do. But don't try to hard Harry."

"I'm not," he said. "Look, yes I probably have better things to spend my time on, but I doubt they'd be as enjoyable. But I understand if I've outstayed my welcome. I'm new to her after all."

"Many things Lucy may be, but scared of strangers isn't one of them," Ruth said. "It worries me that she might go off with someone. You hear all that on the news, and I see more than I should in my work. It frightens me."

"It's such a small proportion," Harry said. "Plus if the worst did happen you could bring the entirety of central London to a standstill with a couple of phone calls."

"I'm not that good," she said with a smile.

"Maybe not yet, but one day," he said. "I, on the other hand have the codes and the power to stop all public transports immediately."

"Harry…"

"You think I'd let any member of staff's child get abducted?"

She was saved answering by Lucy dashing back to the table, a massive ice cream sundae in her hands. "You'll never eat all that," Harry said.

"No, she never does," Ruth agrees. "So I finish it off. What flavours have you got darling?"

"Mango, peach, vanilla and…" she screwed up her face as if remembering. "Blueberry!" she finished with triumph.

"Can I try some?" Ruth asked. Lucy nodded and Ruth picked up a spoon. She felt very content.

* * *

Ruth had her feet tucked under her, Harry sitting next to her as they shared a bottle of merlot. Lucy had been put to bed about an hour ago and they'd been enjoying each others company. "How did you get to become section head anyway?"

"I knew the man who retired," Harry said. "He was hiring for his replacement himself, and I had a bit of knowledge which didn't go amiss," he said.

"Go on," she said as he paused.

Harry sighed. "He had a prostitute which he used regularly. One he didn't want his wife to know about."

"You blackmailed him into giving you the job?!"

"No," he said. "I went through the interview process, the same as everyone else. I was the best candidate and the most qualified. But someone else offered him his villa in Italy if he got hired. He played dirty, so I dug out my information. Not very dignified, but I deserved the job."

"Fair enough," she said with a smile. "Where did your reputation come from? As far as I'm aware, you've been a perfect gentleman."

"I tend to… get bored easily," he admitted. "And I also have slept with my fair share of married women." Ruth glared at him for a moment. "I'm not proud of it, but I'm not going to lie to you either. When I was an agent it was a good way of getting information on a diplomat. Their wives are usually intelligent and beautiful women who are bored out of their minds. But I grew up," he assured her.

"Why tell me then?" she asked. "If I don't have to worry?"

"Because you deserve the truth," he said simply as he looked at her. "My past isn't honourable or dignified, but telling you is better than having you wondering about it." She squeezed his hand tightly for a moment in thanks. "Now, at the risk of getting chucked out of your house, I have an insensitive question to ask." He took a deep breath and caught her eyes for a moment. "Lucy's father." It was as if Ruth had frozen. The surprise and shock on her face kept her still for about a minute until she could bring herself to speak.

"I don't talk about him," she said, her voice quiet. "He's… not involved and that's all I want to say."

"Ruth…"

"No," she said quietly but firmly.

"Okay," he said. "I won't ask."

"Thank you," she said before taking a large sip of wine.

"I think I should leave," Harry said after a moment. The happy, easygoing atmosphere had been well and truly broken, and he felt like an idiot for putting his foot in it. "See you tomorrow?"

"Yes," she agreed. He put his empty glass down and got up. He reached the living room doorway when Ruth shook her head and went to him. "Wait." He turned and looked at her. "It's a reasonable question. I'm sorry, I just don't like talking about it." She wrapped her arms around his neck. "I'm sorry." He smiled slightly at her but it didn't reach his eyes. He reached down and kissed her gently and softly. Ruth reacted, deepening the kiss, his hands around her waist, pulling her flush against his body. She sighed into his mouth as he kept kissing her wonderfully.

"Thank you for a wonderful day," she said in between kisses.

"Mm," he said before dipping his head to her mouth again. He pushed her back against the wall in the hall, his hands sliding up her body, gently caressing the skin of her waist, pushing her shirt out of the way. His touch felt so good on her body that she found herself sinking into the kiss with delight. He kissed along her jaw and nipped her ear lightly, making her shiver. "I'll see you tomorrow Ruth," he whispered in a low voice in her ear.

"Okay," she said, smiling as he left her house. The door closed behind him and she sighed, feeling the echo of his lips on her mouth. God he really could kiss well.


	7. Chapter 7

**An extra (tiny) chapter today.**

* * *

Ruth couldn't sleep. Her mind kept running around in circles, everything mixing together in a mess of emotions. Harry, Lucy, MI5… _him_. She switched the light on and saw it was half past one. She wasn't going to sleep now. She had buried her memories of seven years ago so deeply that when Harry had simply asked "Lucy's father?" it had brought those memories rushing back shockingly quickly. She thought it was in her past, and would stay there but the amount of time she was spending thinking about Lucy's father since Harry had left showed her how much that was a lie. She knew as surely as she knew her own name that Harry hadn't meant to bring this barrage of thoughts and memories back to her, but he had.

She shook her head, trying to clear her thoughts. But it was difficult. Instead when she closed her eyes, she was eighteen again. Girls gossiping about her when she walked down the school corridors, her pregnant belly making her an outcast as final exams came around. The fact that everyone thought she was a slut and a liar. Yes, that hadn't been an enjoyable last few months of school. She'd felt like a leper.

Ruth got out of bed and looked for her old photo albums. She found the one she wanted and she impatiently flicked through it until she got to the photo she wanted. The Christmas just before. Before Peter and her had run off for a stupid drunk weekend in freezing January. The weekend that had changed everything in her life permanently. She looked at the photo of her teenage self standing around the Christmas tree with her mother, step father and step brother. They'd been happy and life had been so much simpler then. They were all smiling in the picture. It had been a good Christmas.

But then they'd run away for that stupid weekend which Ruth had spent years of her life trying to forget. It hadn't worked, even though as time went by she had managed to think of it less and less. She snapped the photo album shut and pulled her hair out of her face, eyes closed in concentration. No, she would not think of that. She could not focus on the conception of her beautiful and bright daughter. She refused to think about the night that Peter had raped her.

* * *

**This was actually the idea for this fic, but I am really nervous about it, as I've left it a while before the reveal. What do you think?**


	8. Chapter 8

In the morning Ruth was tired from lack of sleep, but her demons had faded back into the darkness of the night. At work she was tired, so much so that she didn't notice Harry watching her through the blinds. About an hour later he came out and dumped a massive pile of folders on her desk. "I'm sorry, but I really need these sorting through."

"Great," she said darkly.

"Ruth…"

"No, its nothing," she said looking at him. "Bad nights sleep." She checked to make sure no one was listening. "You're allowed to give your analyst work you need doing, you know."

"I know," he said, a hint of a smile on his lips. "I'm meeting the Home Secretary. It'll probably be a long one."

"Okay," she said smiling. Casually he dragged his fingertips over the back of her hand in parting and she shivered at the touch. So quick she was only sure it had happened by the tingling in her skin. She smiled at his retreating back before turning to the massive pile of work she had to do.

* * *

Ruth came to with a jerk as her doorbell rang. She knew who it would be without even looking. Harry had never arrived back on the grid after his meeting. Which meant Ruth had spent a rare Harry free day at work. She opened her front door and found him there, holding a bottle of chardonnay in his hand. "Come in," she said smiling. He followed her into the kitchen where she got two glasses. "What have I done to deserve this welcome?"

"I wanted to apologise," he said.

"Harry, I'm your analyst. You have to be able to give me the work you need doing," she said, going through to the living room with a corkscrew. "However boring and unnecessary it is."

"Well…" that wasn't really what he was apologising for. He'd wanted to apologise for bringing up the subject of Lucy's father, when Ruth was clearly uncomfortable talking about it. But he also didn't want to bring up the subject again as she seemed to be much happier tonight.

"You're going to stay and share the wine right?" she asked easily. Harry realised he'd been hovering by the doorway.

"Yes of course," he said, sitting next to her. "Did you get through all the files?"

"I don't think we should talk about work," she said quietly but firmly. "Work should be left at Thames House, and in our private time, we should just… be," she finished her voice soft and gentle.

"That sounds fair," he said. She took a sip of her wine and then turned to him. She kissed him gently. She tasted sweet and the hint of wine on her lips was delicious. "Mm," he murmured, his lips still on hers. She pushed him flat on his back on the sofa, still lip locked. He held her tightly, his hands on her waist as the kiss deepened. His hand slipped under her shirt, and up across smooth warm skin, fingers following the lines of her ribs. He reached her bra and squeezed her breast lightly, making her moan quietly.

"This… it isn't why I came over tonight," he said in a ragged breath between kisses.

"I know," she agreed breathlessly, smiling as she kissed him again. She pushed her hands under his shirt, sliding across his stomach and then his chest.

"God your hands are cold," he whispered. She laughed lightly but kept stroking his skin sensually. Her thumbs brushed over his nipples lightly as Harry tried to wrap a leg around her but he misjudged it. Suddenly Ruth felt herself lose her balance. She squealed as she tumbled to the floor, laughing. "Are you all right?" he asked concerned.

"Yes," she said, noticing for the first time that Harry had got her blouse completely undone. "I don't think my sofa was designed for that!" He grinned boyishly at her and she felt her heart miss a beat. Harry grabbed the blanket from the back of the sofa and lay on the floor next to her, covering them both up. He looked deeply in her eyes and stroked her face with his thumb, tracing the arc of her eyebrow. She smiled at him, wondering what he saw in her.

"Harry, stop looking at me like that."

"Like what?"

"Like you see… something more than me."

"I think you're beautiful," he said, making her blush. He leaned in to her closely and planted a soft and gentle kiss on her lips. He sneaked his hands to her hips and held her close against him. He held her so gently and caressed her skin so lovingly that she felt a deep yearning for him.

She bit her lip hard for a moment. "I have a bed upstairs," she said quietly.

"No," he said just as quietly. "I don't want to rush you."

"I wouldn't have suggested it if I didn't want it," she said. She reached down and stroked his erection gently, his arousal pushing against her thigh. "I have a bed upstairs," she repeated, her blue eyes on fire.

"Are you sure?" She didn't reply. Instead she smiled and got up. She pulled what was left of her blouse off and let it fall to the floor. She blushed as Harry admired her chest, and then she turned, leading the way to her bedroom. Harry followed.

* * *

Ruth wrapped herself up in a bed sheet and got out of bed, leaving Harry sleeping in her bed. Pulling the sheet over her nakedness, she looked out of the window across the darkness of London. Her body was tender in a way which told her she'd been well loved. It had never been like that for her before. She wasn't completely stupid, she knew what sex was supposed to feel like, it just had never been that way before. While at university she had started a couple of ill fated relationships, mainly with the purpose to find out what sex felt like when she was a willing participant. Because this was her intention, neither relationship had lasted very long. Sex had always felt good, but never like it did with Harry. He cared that his partner was enjoying herself, as much (or maybe more) than he was. He had touched her and kissed her exquisitely. There was no doubt he was skilled in the bedroom, but to her it had felt like more than him going through the motions. She hoped she wasn't mistaken.

Suddenly Harry turned over, his arm finding the empty bed. "Ruth?"

"I'm here," she said.

"Are you okay?" he asked hoarsely.

"Mm," she said honestly. "Just thinking."

"Its late," he said. "Come back to bed." She smiled, and then she did, allowing Harry to scoop her up against his warm chest as she closed her eyes.

* * *

**Thank you for all the reviews for the last chapter. Really made my day. I hope this happier one is more enjoyable!**


	9. Chapter 9

**A short chapter this time, but I'm going to be making a time jump next, and it needs its own chapter. Enjoy.**

* * *

Ruth awoke feeling an arm around her waist and a kiss on the back of her neck. She smiled and pushed back against him. "Morning," Harry said.

"Mm," she agreed. "What time is it?"

"Six thirty," he said. "Why?"

"Lucy," she said relaxing back into his embrace. "We've got half an hour."

"Mm," he said. He kissed her jaw for a moment before getting out of bed. Ruth bit her lip as she watched his naked body. Then she felt surprised as he quickly pulled his clothes back on.

"What are you doing?"

"I need to get home for some fresh clothes," he said. "Then I have to get to the JIC meeting this morning. I'm sorry I can't stay longer."

"Shame," she said. He caught the look of disappointment on her face and sighed. He leaned over the bed and kissed her slowly. When he let her go she was smiling. "I know you have to go."

"Sorry," he said. "It wasn't my intention. Actually nothing about last night beyond drinking wine was my intention."

"Regretting it?" she asked, the fear in her eyes.

"No," he assured her quickly. "Never. Where's my shirt?"

"Somewhere on the stairs," Ruth said with amusement.

"Oh yes," he said with a grin. "I remember." She laughed lightly and kissed him again.

"I'll see you at work later," she said. Harry nodded.

"Bye." She smiled as he left and then listened as he went down the stairs, pausing to finish getting dressed and then left the house, her front door closing quietly. She collapsed on the bed and started fiddling with her hair absent mindedly She felt very happy and well rested, but she also felt disappointed that he'd had to leave so soon. That was what she got for sleeping with her boss on a Monday night. Maybe at the weekend they'd be able to spend more time in bed together in the morning. Assuming they ended up in bed in the first place.

She got up and went for a quick shower. Turning up to the grid smelling of Harry wouldn't be a good thing for keeping their relationship quiet. But as the hot water rushed over her body she realised how happy she was.

* * *

She actually got into work early. Only Malcolm was in, everyone else not seeing the necessity to come into work this early. "Hi," she said sitting behind her desk.

"Hello," he replied. "I wanted to talk to you actually."

"About what?" she asked.

"I'm happy for you and Harry," he said. Her smile froze on her face.

"How did you know?" she asked.

"I've known Harry for ten years," he said. "I know when he's in a relationship, and I've also noticed the way he looks at you when he thinks no ones watching."

"Oh God, does everyone else know?" Ruth said.

"Probably," Malcolm said. "I don't gossip."

"Oh God," she repeated. "I wanted to keep my private life private."

"No one minds," Malcolm said. "Harry's one of my oldest friends, I like to see him happy."

"Thanks Malcolm," she said, forcing herself to smile. He went back to work and she gave herself a little shake. What did it really matter if everyone knew? She planned (maybe hoped) that this would be a long term relationship, so the people they worked with would be bound to find out eventually. It didn't mean she had to like it. She had never enjoyed being gossiped about, a state of affairs which had only increased when she'd found herself pregnant in school. But then again once their relationship was common knowledge people would eventually get bored and stop talking about her.

* * *

Around lunchtime Ruth went into Harry's office smiling. "Happy suits you," he said quietly.

"Mm," she said. Then, with great purpose she walked towards him and kissed him deeply, ignoring the fact that the blinds were pulled back, showing the office to the rest of the grid. He reacted for a moment and then pulled back.

"People will see," he said quietly.

"Let them," she said. "They already suspect anyway. Just… then they'll know, and the gossip will die down."

"Okay," he said, smiling. He kissed her again, passionately and breathlessly. Her face was flushed when he let her go, eyes bright. "Have you got the Jenkins file?"

"I'll get it to you this afternoon," she said happily. She walked out of his office, knowing she was being gossiped about but she didn't mind. Well, not too much. She went behind her desk and got to work, her lips still bruised by his kiss.

* * *

**Please leave a review if you have the time, thank you.**


	10. Chapter 10

**In this story Harry hasn't been previously married, and he doesn't have children (as I failed to mention before). This chapter might also be heading towards an M rating for the subject matter.**

* * *

_**3 months later.**_

Harry went downstairs and was surprised to see Lucy already up. She was yawning and in her pyjamas, but she was awake. "Do you want some breakfast?"

"Yes please Harry," she said sweetly. "Where's mum?"

"Getting dressed," Harry said. "She'll be here in five minutes. Toast?"

Lucy nodded. Harry busied himself making her breakfast and thinking to himself. Lucy was such a charming, bright and sweet little girl. He'd been sleeping with Ruth for maybe two weeks when he'd stayed overnight and had overslept. Lucy had seen him come downstairs, even though he tried to be quiet. Ruth had been loudly cooking, trying to cover his escape when Lucy had said very loudly "Harry's here!"

Amazed that a six year old could make him blush, he went into the kitchen and stayed silent, wondering what on earth to say. Lucy had no such problems. "Did you stay here last night?"

"Er… yes, I did," he agreed.

"Where?" she asked with a child's unerring accuracy to ask awkward questions. Both adults were silent. "Did you sleep in mummy's room?"

"Um… yes," he said after a very long and uncomfortable silence. Ruth's face was flaming brightly as she buttered the toast, studiously avoiding Harry's eyes.

"Mummy, is Harry your boyfriend?"

"Yes," Ruth said. "Is that okay with you?"

"Oh yes," she said as Ruth had put the toast in front of her. "You're nice Harry."

"Thank you," he'd said. And that was that. It hadn't taken long at all for her to accept Harry. She seemed to take everything in her stride, and Harry was amazed at her acceptance. But then he'd never spent any time around children at all. Being good with children wasn't a requirement for MI5.

He poured Lucy some juice and she yawned widely. "Thank you," she said. Harry made himself some breakfast and then saw Ruth come into the kitchen, her hair wet from a quick shower. Harry felt a stab of disappointment that she'd got in the shower without him. Ruth kissed his cheek chastely and then made some coffee. "Sleep well darling?" she asked.

"Yes," both Harry and Lucy said at the same moment. Then both adults laughed as Ruth caught his eyes happily.

* * *

That night Harry and Ruth were curled up on the sofa happily, some mindless TV show on in the background, happy in the knowledge that tomorrow was Sunday so they didn't have to get up early. He turned to her and kissed her gently. "I love you Ruth." She froze, eyes wide. But she didn't say anything. Harry wasn't all that surprised, but as the seconds ticked by the silence became incredibly uncomfortable, even though he'd half been expecting it. "Ruth you have to talk to me. You need to."

"Harry…"

"You lock yourself away," he said quietly. "You refuse to let yourself feel anything for anyone. Except Lucy. Please. Talk to me."

She shook her head, trying to disentangle herself from him. "I can't," she said. "I don't know how to… put it into words."

"You were raped," he said quietly. She glared at him, ice in her eyes.

"You bastard," she said, heat in her voice. "You looked in my file?!"

"No I didn't," he said, his eyes looking deeply into hers. "And I didn't know that was the truth until just now." He sighed heavily. "Ruth, you need to talk to me. Please," he added quietly. He knew that getting angry about how she'd been abused would only make her clam up, so he kept a lid on his fury. There would be time for that later. Ruth didn't look at him and left the living room. Harry followed at a distance and watched as she opened the kitchen cupboard.

"Please Ruth," he said quietly.

"You're right," she said, not facing him. Her voice was low, masking her emotions, but he knew she was upset. Not surprisingly. "I do need to talk to you," she agreed, still keeping her back to him. "But if you think I'm doing it sober you've got another thing coming." She uncorked a bottle of red wine with a pop and poured herself a big glass. She swallowed it almost in one, and then poured another measure. Harry could do with a glass but he wasn't going to ask. Apparently he didn't need to, she poured him a glass and slid it across to him.

"Fine," she said. "Yes. I was raped. And then I ended up pregnant."

"What happened?"

"What happened Harry? Do you need all the gory details?!" she asked, finally turning to face him, looking furious. "Do you need to know how humiliated I was? How much it hurt?"

"No Ruth, I really don't," he said, his eyes blazing at her. "I can all too easily picture it, and I hate it. I wondered simple things like who did this to you? Why did you keep the baby? Where is the scum bag now? Things like that."

She sighed heavily and closed her eyes. "Just after Christmas, I was bored and lonely, tired of studying all the time to keep my straight A record so I ran away with Peter. My step brother. It was only meant to be a bit of fun. We went to Blackpool. We went over the weekend so I wouldn't miss any school," she added with a slight smile. We drank. We were both just eighteen and we spent the whole weekend drinking. On Saturday night, he took it too far. And wouldn't take no for an answer, even when I tried to fight him off. He was stronger than me, I just couldn't… do anything about it." She closed her eyes and took a fortifying gulp of wine. Harry reached for her hand. "Don't touch me," she hissed. "Not now."

"Sorry," he said.

"After it was over, I blacked out," she said. "I was in pain and he wasn't gentle. I'd been a virgin before hand and I couldn't stop shaking. When I came around he wasn't there. So I grabbed my purse and left, not caring that there wasn't any transport or that I'd had no sleep. I went to the train station and waited for the first one back to Exeter in the morning. It was so cold. My mum had been really worried so she didn't actually tell me off at all. She wanted to know where Peter was. I didn't know. He came back about a week later.

"What happened?"

"Nothing," Ruth said simply. "I didn't speak to him again. We lived in the same house for five months."

"And you never said anything? You never told anyone?" he asked in disbelief.

"I locked myself in my room," she said simply. "My mum knew something was wrong but I couldn't talk about it. It's been seven years now and I still find it really difficult. I managed to convince her it was the stress of exams and getting into university. I don't think she believed me but couldn't work out what else it was. And I'd always been a quiet and studious girl."

"How did you live with him for so long?"

"We went to different schools," she said. "We were never at home at the same time except to sleep. He had football practice. And rugby, and cricket. I put three locks on my door, but I don't think he'd have come near me anyway. He was terrified I'd tell someone."

"What happened when you discovered you were pregnant?"

"It took about two months," she said. "A bit more really before I could accept it. My period was late and I ignored it. Straight A students bound for Oxford did not get pregnant in high school. I could _not_ be pregnant. I refused to accept the possibility. It took a while before I could admit to myself that I was. I dug my head in the sand. I can be stubborn when I want to be."

"Why didn't you… an abortion?" he asked.

"It was too late," she said simply. "I'm ashamed to say I would have done it though. Without thinking twice. But by the time I worked up the courage to see a doctor, I was too far gone. They did a scan on me and found out it was a girl." Ruth smiled at that, a strained smile, but genuine. "I didn't want her. I didn't want her in any way, I didn't love her or care for her. Not until she was born and I was holding her did that change, but that scan was the first time I thought of my pregnancy as something other than a horrific problem. She was a person, and it wasn't just my life any more. There were two of us. So I went home and I told my mother everything." Ruth stopped talking as two tears ran down her cheeks. Harry felt slightly guilty for bringing this up, but knew he had to know the truth.

"And?" he prompted quietly.

"And she believed me completely," Ruth said, the tears falling unchecked down her face, her voice close to breaking. "She knew something had happened that weekend, but never did she imagine it was that. She went ballistic."

"At you?!" Harry asked in indignation.

"No, of course not," she said, catching his eye for a moment before looking away. "At them."

"Them?"

"Peter and David, my stepfather," she said. "David told my mother that I was a liar and a slut. He could hardly deny I was pregnant, because out of my loose jumpers it was obvious. He said his son wouldn't do anything like that. My mum said her daughter wasn't a liar. It was longer than that and the screaming and crying went on for hours. Eventually Peter admitted it. My mum threw them both out of the house, and I've never seen them since. She told them that if she or I saw them again, we'd go to the police. That was a lie. I never would have."

"Why not? He deserves to be in prison."

"Because I couldn't relive it," she said. "I couldn't stand in front of a courtroom full of total strangers and describe what he did to me. And what would be the point? Conviction rates are so low for rape, add to that the fact we'd both been drinking, I had a previous relationship with the perpetrator and went on to have his child… He would never have been found guilty, and even if he had, he'd be out of prison by now anyway. There was no point Harry."

"So he's… just out there somewhere?"

"Yes," Ruth said. She poured herself another glass of wine. Harry had forgotten his own drink in his hand, but now swallowed. He needed the alcohol.

"Where is he?"

"I don't know and I don't care," she said without any emotion. "There you go," she added in the silence. That's the truth." She wiped her face dry of the tears. "Say something."

"Please don't push me away," he said, the first thought that had come into his head.

"Please don't treat me like I'm broken, or damaged," she asked. "I couldn't bear that and it's one of the reasons I haven't told you."

"What other reasons are there?"

"I've only ever told one person," she said slowly. "Talking about it makes me think about it again. I try so hard to keep it buried and forget about it but when you insist on knowing…"

"I had a right to know," he said quietly.

"Yes," she said simply.

"You should have told me before. Before we slept together."

"No," she said just as easily. She brushed her hair out of her face. "Just because I've been raped doesn't mean that I don't enjoy sex Harry. It doesn't mean that I don't feel passion and desire. I was never going to tell you before I slept with you."

The silence filled the kitchen, neither knowing what to say. Harry eventually took the first move. "Ruth, can I hold you?" he asked quietly. She doesn't answer straight away. Then, slowly she nods. He approached her slowly, like he would with a wild animal. The last thing he wanted to do was frighten her. He put his hands on her waist and gently pulled her to him. She rested her head against his shoulder and after a moment burst into tears. Quiet tears which shook her body as they soaked into the fabric of his shirt. He stroked her back lovingly and gently, letting her cry out her despair.

He doesn't think of Peter. He can't. Because if he does he'll get so angry he'll see red. And that can't happen when Ruth needs him.


	11. Chapter 11

**Much to my surprise, this is the last chapter (epilogue to come). Hope you enjoy this.**

* * *

Her eyes were red and puffy by the time she drew back from him. He wiped her tears away with his thumbs gently. "Do you want me to stay here tonight? Or do you want me to leave?" She paused, not knowing what to say. "I don't mind either way," he added.

"Then stay," she said quietly. "Just to be here. If you really don't mind."

"Okay," he said. "Do you want me to sleep on the sofa?"

"The whole point of you staying here is to be with me," she said, a ghost of a smile on her face.

"Right," he said. They went upstairs in silence, and they got ready for bed in silence too. Harry kept his shirt and boxers on, though he normally slept naked and climbed into bed. Ruth got undressed in front of him before pulling on her PJ's, seemingly unembarrassed.

"Sorry," she said as she curled up next to him, his arm going around her.

"No," he said. "You don't have anything to be sorry for."

"I know," she said. "Just, sometimes it feels like I do." She sighed heavily. "Don't treat Lucy any differently," she said suddenly.

"Of course I won't," he said. "None of this is her fault, any more than it is yours."

"Good," she said. She closed her eyes and went to sleep quickly. Harry didn't. He held her gently, his mind running over all the things he'd learned about her tonight. He hated it. By the time morning came around he'd only slept about an hour.

"Mm," Ruth said, as she began to wake up. She pushed her body towards him and mmed again when he pulled her close. With her eyes closed she found his lips and kissed him deeply. He tried to hold back and be gentle but after a few moments he could tell that wasn't what she wanted. So he kissed her deeply, his hands wandering over her body, and under her PJ shirt. Her eyes opened slowly as his hand covered her breast and squeezed gently. "Morning," she said. "Oh!" she gasped as he squeezed her nipple.

"Sleep well?" he asked, making an effort to behave normally.

"Yes," she said. She turned away from him to look at the clock and smiled. They had maybe an hour before Lucy would wake up. She grinned, and he knew that smile well. All she had to do was look at him like that and usually he became aroused within seconds.

"Are you all right?" he asked quietly.

"Yes," she said.

"I mean… after…"

"I know what you mean," she said. "And yes, I am fine. I didn't… like talking about it, but I know you needed to know. Can we not mention it? Not now. Not when we're in bed together. I don't want it to be a ghost between us in bed. It's not fair to either of us."

"Okay," he agreed. He kissed her again, softer this time. She smiled, almost feeling herself melting into his arms. They didn't get out of bed for a long, long time.

* * *

Harry locked his office door with trepidation. He wanted to look up Peter Hague's information and he wasn't entirely sure Ruth would be happy about it. But he hadn't asked her, because he was afraid that she would make him promise not to. And he couldn't do that. At least not until he'd found out about him. It took three minutes for Harry to find him on the MI5 system. Peter Hague, working as an insurance salesman in Manchester. Single, living in a rather undesirable address, Harry was pleased to see. No criminal record beyond two speeding tickets. That made him angry. He deserved a criminal record, the stupid bastard. Harry stared at the page, willing Peter to come within hitting range. But then he realised that watching a computer screen wouldn't make that happen.

Harry closed the information and then leaned back in his chair and closed his eyes. He didn't know what to do. All of his instincts were telling him to catch a train and go to Manchester, find this excuse for a human being and beat him to a pulp. But he knew Ruth wouldn't like it. Ruth wouldn't like the violence, and she wouldn't like the past being dragged back up either. He didn't know what to do. He wasn't an idiot, and he knew that if he attacked Peter it wouldn't be to help Ruth. It would only be for his own satisfaction. He simply didn't know what to do.

Suddenly the door handle turned and then rattled. Without a knock he knew it would be Ruth. "Harry?" she questioned, surprised at the locked door.

"Hang on a minute," he said, getting up and letting her in.

"Why was the door locked?" she asked as she sat opposite him.

"I wanted privacy," he said. "What do you need?"

"Why?" she asked, ignoring work for the time being.

"I was planning a murder, and wondering how to avoid prison with a cast iron alibi," he said.

"No," she said (rather predictably in his view). "You are not going to kill Peter."

He sighed heavily. "I know I'm not," he said. "It doesn't mean I don't want to rip the bastard limb from limb."

"Do you…" she paused, her lip twitching. "Did you find out where he is?"

"Yes," he said. "But I'm not going to tell you. If you really wanted to know, you'd have looked him up yourself." She looked like she wanted to argue but then she just closed her eyes.

"You're right. Please don't go after him. He's not worth any more of my time, or yours."

"I came to the decision not to do anything because I would only be doing it to make myself feel better. And it wouldn't help you." He covered his face with his hands and sighed. "I don't know what to do Ruth," he said. "I just don't know." She reached for him and laced her fingers through his palm.

"You don't have to do anything Harry," she said calmly. She looked deeply in his eyes. "I didn't confide in you to avenge me. I don't need for him to be hurt. It won't make me feel better and it won't change what happened."

"Don't you want him dead?"

"I did," she said. "I wanted him dead a thousand times. Every single day that I was pregnant, and quite a few after. It wouldn't achieve anything Harry. So please. Just leave him alone."

He was silent for so long that Ruth thought he wasn't going to bother to answer. "Okay."

"Really?"

"Yes," he said. "For you. Not for him. And not because I'm a good man either, sometimes I doubt I am."

"Harry, you scare me sometimes," she said. "No, not like that," she added at the look on his face. "Not in that way." She squeezed his hand that she was still holding. "Because…" she took a deep breath and looked away from him.. "The way I feel scares me. I don't like being reliant on someone. I don't like needing anyone, I like to depend on myself. So… it scares me when I need someone in my life. And I do need you Harry." He smiled at her slightly. "I… love you." She looked like with that quiet declaration the world was ending. He realised how hard this was for her to say, and that she'd most likely never told a man that in her life. He tilted her chin up and kissed her gently, over the desk. When they parted she was smiling nervously.

"I love you too," he said. Her smile widened. She kissed him again.

"Your desk is getting in the way," she said quietly.

"Mm," he agreed. "Come here." She quickly moved around and perched on his lap, her arms around his neck and kissed him deeply. He laced his fingers in her hair, pulling her as close as possible.

"I really need to get back to work," she breathed.

"Oh, the boss won't mind an extra five minutes," he teased. Then he kissed her again, a smile on both of their lips.


	12. 2 years later

**2 years later.**

* * *

Ruth awoke slowly, feeling so comfortable. She reached across the bed and found it empty, much to her surprise. She opened her eyes and wondered where Harry had got to. It was a Sunday, so he had no meetings and if he'd been called in to the grid on an emergency he'd have at least roused her to say he was leaving. Sunday, she thought. And then it clicked. It was mothering Sunday. So Harry was enviably downstairs with Lucy, trying to surprise her. And to avoid a repetition of last year. Sugar and flour had been flung everywhere when Lucy was attempting to make her mum breakfast on her own and it had taken hours to clean up. She had appreciated the gesture, but she appreciated it even more that Harry was helping this morning. So she rolled over and went back to sleep, in a light doze, not knowing or minding what was going on downstairs.

* * *

Lucy carefully put a little bunch of spring flowers in the vase on the breakfast tray and smiled. "She's going to love this isn't she?" Lucy asked eagerly.

"Yes," Harry said easily. "It was our little secret wasn't it?"

"Yes!" she said, putting the box of chocolates on the tray, next to a mug of tea for Ruth. Harry smiled at her, blonde hair in messy tangles this morning. Lucy wouldn't even wait to brush her hair, she wanted to give Ruth her mothers day present.

"Come on then," Harry said, smiling to hide his nervousness. Lucy grinned back and Lucy carried the tray as they went upstairs.

"Wake up mum!" Lucy said in a very loud whisper. Ruth rolled over as Harry perched on the bed and smiled at Ruth.

"Morning," he said as she smiled tiredly.

"Hi gorgeous," she said to Lucy. "What've you got there?"

"Its mothers day!" she said happily, thrusting the card at her. Ruth smiled and opened it, finding a home made card with primroses on the front. It was beautiful. "Thank you sweetheart." Ruth kissed the top of Lucy's head and then looked at the tray. "Did you pick the chocolates?"

"Harry helped," she said sweetly.

"Thank you," Ruth said. She took the lid off and offered Lucy a chocolate.

"That one's yours," Lucy said, pointing to one wrapped in tinfoil. Ruth frowned slightly but didn't say anything. She picked it up and unwrapped it.

"Harry…" she said as it became clear what it was. She was looking at an engagement ring.

"Marry me Ruth," he said quietly.

"Harry…" she said, unable to believe it. She looked from Lucy's smiling face to Harry's nervous one. So he wasn't sure she'd say yes then, she thought. "God. Yes," she said with a smile. "Yes, of course I will." She grinned widely at him and he kissed her, briefly because Lucy was present. He slid the ring onto her finger where it fit perfectly. It had three diamonds in a cluster and a white gold band. It was absolutely gorgeous, and she dreaded to think how much it had cost.

"Did you know about this?" Ruth asked her daughter.

"Of course I did," she said indignantly. "I found the ring," she added in a loud whisper. "So Harry told me."

"How long did you keep it from me?"

"A month?" Lucy asked, looking to Harry for confirmation. He nodded.

"You kept a secret from me for a month?" Ruth asked in surprise. Lucy giggled happily. Ruth shook her head and looked at her left hand. The ring really did look beautiful. "Harry its perfect." He smiled at her. Suddenly the doorbell rang and Lucy jumped up and raced downstairs.

"That'll be Kate," Harry said. "She's taking Lucy out for the morning. So we can celebrate our engagement in privacy." Ruth blushed slightly.

"You really think of everything don't you?" she said in wonder.

"I love you," he said, kissing her before she could reply.

"I love you too," she said. "A lot." She kissed him again and got lost in him. She loved this man so very much and she couldn't believe that she was lucky enough to spend the rest of her life with him.

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**Hope you've enjoyed this fic, and thank you for all the reviews. Please leave another one if you have a minute. Thank you.**


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